From bad to worse - a case of deja vu from three years ago.

Those of you who have known me for awhile know the first part of this story. Three years ago, I was happily ensconced in my life in London, working at a fantastic job in media at a TV station and settling into living in Europe (of the non-continental kind) and getting ready to travel around on weekends. I was over visiting my friend Emma in a nearby town when a phone call came - my Dad had lung cancer. He was comatose the whole time I was home while they used chemo to deal with the tumour, but it took, and when I left to return to work, was roundly assured that he would be fine and out of the hospital the next week, and went back to London, secure in the doctor's opinion. Would have been a happy ending. Except that he wasn't okay. Three days later, back in Europe, I got another call. The cancer had eaten away the lungs that opened and closed his diaphram, and he would never breathe again. And he was in the last bed in intensive care, and if someone needed it before I could get back from England again, they would shut down the ventilator. So he died five days before his birthday, the whole bottom of my world fell out, and I moved back to BC, executed the will, shut down the estate, made sure my Mom was functioning and tried not to curl up in a ball and die every single day for probably a good year.

Cue Wednesday. I'm over at Emma's, again, and my cell phone rings, again. Except this time, it's my mother in the hospital, five days before her birthday. Her brain is bleeding. And I'm in England, but not at home or at a computer. Anyone see parallels yet?

Waiting on MRI results to see when I need to fly back home. My thesis is half finished and I'm nowhere near ready to leave. This is all far overshadowed by the fact that I'm so terrified I can hardly breathe. She can't receive visitors yet and I haven't been able to talk to her but the nurses tell me she's improving. Other people have told me that she'll pull through and it will all be okay. I desperately want to believe them, but I bought that fairytale last time.

My sanity is hanging on by a thread, and I haven't slept in what seems like a thousand years. Send me happy thoughts - I accept all donations. I'll even pay shipping.